Fail, big fat, empty on the inside, FAIL!

Something happened this week. Can’t explain fully what came over me…or where my resolve went…but I went shopping! Arrrrr yes you heard me.

I WENT SHOPPING FOR NEW THINGS!

I know, I know….!

Its taken me a few weeks to be able to come to terms with my actions and get a better understanding of the state of mind that found me wandering into the shinny entrance of Myres in down town Perth.

I hadn’t made the journey to the city centre to shop…nor did I have any intention to do so! I was staying in the city for work…with time on my hands and desperate for a distraction from all I had to do. I innocently went for a walk!

I returned with several pieces of new clothing, wrapped nicely in fresh tissue paper and promises of the new, a new me, a new life, a new sex appeal ….a transformation that is just that, a promise…one that will undoubtedly prove to be an empty one….

…..and there it is, the point of this whole exercise! 

Finding something to be grateful for is hard while wearing such a heavy cloak laden with the disappointment of my own human weakness  but now with some time between me and this epic FAIL ....

I am grateful for the ability to see my own failings and willingness to attempt to address them!

The Smile of a Dog!

Today I am grateful for the simple comfort of home, the smile of dog, blue skies, the sun light through the orange tail of the black cockatoos, blue wrens trust and the braveness of the willywag tail…and the joy all of this brings (when and only when I allow myself to be still enough to enjoy it!).

Bound by the things that surround me!

I feel tied down by the things around me, by my material possessions…I honeslty feel like dragging them all out into the front yard and setting a match to them while I enjoy the heat and the glow of a fire. Then I would be free, free from insurance payments, free from having to find somewhere to house them, free from the responsibility to maintain, clean and care for them…free!

As I prepare to leave this place that has been my home for the past 4 years I feel heavy with the responsibility of what to do with these THINGS. Yes, I hear you, sell them, give them away, get rid of them…but then what? In a few months, a year, will I need/want them again? Will I need a shelf for my books and a vacuum cleaner for a rented floor? What then I ask you, what then?